Through my life, I have had many wonderful and challenging life experiences. I have met some incredible people who have helped me along my path and I have learnt so much from them. I have decided to share those special people with you.
I met Ruth in St Louis Missouri in 1983, while competing in The Miss Universe Pageant. Ruth was working for the Miss Universe Corporation as a chaperone to Miss USA and Miss Universe. I shared an apt in New York with Miss USA and Ruth was our life in chaperone, and Miss USA’s travelling chaperone. I got to travel with Ruth also on a few of my international trips as Miss Universe. Becoming Miss Universe at the age of 19 was hugely daunting in so many ways. I learnt so much about myself and life and I can honestly say that without Ruth’s guidance during that year, it would have never turned out the way it did. Ruth and I have remained close friends since that year and she has mentored me through different phases of my life. It has been a friendship that has lasted 35 years and still strong as ever. I consider her one of the most influential women in my life. This year I turn 54 and she turns 84. What I love about this woman are her passion and vitality for life and her astute wisdom. So here I share with you, Ruth Romero.
1. How did you begin working with Miss Universe, Inc.?
It was the fall of 1978 when I first moved to New York from California, 4 1/2 years after a painful divorce. Why New York? You might say. After travelling there as a representative for a Chinese Antique importing company and spending 15 days on an assigned promotion in the city, I soon realized that I wanted to live there. That first visit was long enough for me to taste its energy and fall in love with what the city had to offer. Deep down inside, I knew that one day I would return to live there.
Much to my surprise, 4 months later, my brief experience in marketing and fascination with the Chinese art caught our East coast competitor’s attention who offered me a wonderful contract to come and join his company. I was excited and plenty scared. I knew I had to accept, but how to go about it was more than I could begin to imagine. A move across the country, alone was not at all a familiar experience, let alone negotiating and refining the contract being offered. I had no clue on how I would implement the logistics to follow this dream of mine. All I knew for sure was that I had this desire and deep faith that little by little all would fall into place. I accepted the move. It was not easy, but 6 months later, I became a New York City resident. Much to my dismay that job only lasted 2 years.
What do I do now? Before long, I was fortunate to locate and accept a job managing a women’s upscale fashion boutique. I loved the job and enjoyed the art of planning wardrobes for the businesswomen in the community. It was here that I crossed paths with a young college student, Rosemarie Lanard, who was my part-time salesperson and a dear friend today. She had met a young woman working for an Executive Search firm who was looking to fill a position for a Traveling Companion for Miss Universe, Inc. At that time, my knowledge of pageants was very limited. Besides travelling experience the company was looking for a bilingual woman over 35. I listened to my friend, who thought I was “perfect for the job.” I ignored her. But, she kept on insisting.
One day, and hoping to get Rosemarie off my back, I reluctantly decided to call this firm and make the appointment. About half an hour before my appointment, I decided to just call and cancel the appointment. Time was quickly passing I now had 15 minutes to go when I heard a strong clear voice within me saying, “When did you give up being curious? Go and find out what it is all about.” I agreed, walked across the street from where I was and entered the office on 5th Avenue. Upon arriving, I heard the comments, “She has arrived, She is it.” I felt frightened, what did they mean? No doubt, I was in foreign territory. However, that same afternoon I found myself sitting across the stuffy and arrogant pageant president who after asking some pertinent questions hired me, you might say, on that same day. The rest, I had to learn on the job.
2. Explain what your job involved.
The job title was Traveling Companion, I personally changed it to Traveling Manager (Because “manage the ladies I did.”) but, Lorraine has always chosen to call me chaperone. To me, it was a combination of all of the above. First order of business was to communicate the responsibilities and duties clearly to each and every titleholder. I was to see that each titlist performed her professional duties whether at home or on the road. For one year she was to be conscious of her title, making sure that she conducted herself in a professional manner.
I was offered a corporate apartment to share with both Miss USA and Miss Universe. When at home we had curfews and had to be in no later than 12, and there would be no overnight guests. According to Miss Universe, Inc. rules, we were to protect the title and the company at all times, the brand. They were public figures and their conduct was to remain impeccable.
Some of their responsibilities were sometimes forgotten, so it was my duty to remind them when needed. One big one was the “forgotten” sash and/or crown. The crown, in particular, was quite burdensome and painful to wear. I understood clearly but had to insist they follow company policy. Appropriate professional dress for each appearance was a must.
Some of my duties involved planning their wardrobe for the year which consisted of business and evening attire. I was given a budget for each one. There was preparation which included my input and guidance for media interviews, such as newspaper and television. If we travelled to any of the Spanish speaking countries, I served as an interpreter and on occasion faced the television camera myself. Understanding the different countries and the cultures was crucial and important for the ladies to know.
Most important for me, though it was not in my job description, was to make each girl feel at home and to express love and understanding. The foreign girls in particular had difficult times. I felt the need to embrace them as a mom or friend would, remaining mindful that I worked for Miss Universe, Inc. This was a fine line between the two that had to be considered.
3. What made a great title holder?
The outstanding titleholders were the ladies who recognized early on that it was a job that required its share of responsibility, honesty and hard work. Yes, hard work! As ambassadors of goodwill, it meant a lot of travel to a variety of countries. Living out of a suitcase was challenging, but rewarding. The pace was fast, but it meant a year of growth and maturity for the young ladies and lots of opportunities, it was all up to them.
4. Were there any titleholders that you didn’t get along with? Why?
Yes, unfortunately, there were. It was not that we did not get along. As their manager, I had to see that there would be no slacking off their responsibilities. The women that ignored this created grief for themselves as well as for me, a representative of the company. Their behaviour was often a sign of insecurity, but unfortunately, was displayed as arrogance and envy.
On the other hand, I had the good fortune to have had three outstanding young ladies, one Miss USA and two Miss Universes. These ladies had a healthy sense of self-worth and were industrious. They were trustworthy and dependable even when the going was rough. In spite of their young years, they accepted their responsibilities with enthusiasm, realizing the year was only a stepping stone to their future and their goal was to learn as much as possible. Lorraine Downes was a gift to me. She was the youngest of them all, but her values and her openness to learn spoke loud and clear. In a year’s time, it was obvious that her year as Miss Universe had enhanced her being with a deeper grace, confidence and a refined beauty! She had a humility that was often foreign to titleholders. New Zealand no doubt, remains proud. To this day, she remains the finest to have worn the crown.
5. What did you do work-wise after you left the Miss Universe Corporation?
I left Miss Universe after I was diagnosed with cancer. After a lengthy recuperation, I accepted employment managing a couple of men’s departments at Brooks Bros, a men’s fine haberdashery on Madison Avenue, New York City. I remained there until I left NY and moved to South Carolina where I began a successful career in real estate. I left the east coast when I became a grandmother and decided I wanted to be close to my granddaughters, giving myself the opportunity to mentor and guide them as I had other young ladies. So, I picked up and left for California where I continued my real estate career. After 10 years in California, my daughter and husband decided to make a move to Boise, Idaho. After a brief visit to Boise, I knew I could be happy there. I loved the small city and all it had to offer. I followed them.
Once in Boise Idaho, I decided to develop my own business as a Professional Image Consultant. After the many years of planning wardrobes for men and women, I decided I could be a special gift to others by making myself available for personal consultations. The thought of retiring never has entered my mind. I enjoy being a businesswoman. I find my job invigorating and very rewarding to my spirit with a strong sense of continuing to make a difference in other people’s lives and in the world I live in. I love life! To this day, I am active in business and remain a Personal Stylist/Image Coach. I find the job rewarding and fulfilling, most, I enjoy women succeed in discovering their unique beauty and style.
6. What is the secret to looking the way you do?
You mean looking younger than my years? On July 4th I celebrated my 84th birthday, and I feel ageless! I have been blessed with excellent health, keenness of mind, and a heart full of gratitude. I live for this day and choose to minimize negative thoughts about the tomorrows or what could have been yesterday. I have learned that NOW is the only relevant moment in our lives, my daily and conscious choice is to be joyous and grateful.
I begin my day with quiet meditation, reading and consciously working on my positive thoughts for the day. I try to remember small daily blessings by writing them down and putting them in a large ginger jar that sits in the centre of my kitchen where I cannot miss it. I want to maintain focus on the slight, steady, and constant flow of goodness in my life. Oftentimes, we crave the grandiose moments of dramatic change to consider as miracles and forget to notice those small magical moments that make our life worthwhile and help us maintain that often talked about, “balance.” I am reminded of Leo Tolstoy’s words, “True life is lived when tiny changes occur.” Yes, on occasion I have my slips along the way, only to be reminded that I have a responsibility that I owe to my spirit and body’s health.
My Mexican heritage gets the credit for my good genes. However, I strongly believe that we are responsible for physically taking care of our bodies by giving it good healthy nourishment and regular exercise. Cooking for myself helps me accomplish the task more easily. I am grateful that medication is not required to keep me going. I am convinced that the years do not mean that quality of life can no longer exist for us. Our bodies are perfect machines that with love and tender care can give us many years of happy fulfilled lives. A critical note to remember is to listen to your body, your best advocate, and have annual physical and dental exams.
7. My decision to go grey came when I was approaching my 79th birthday.
I had been thinking that perhaps it was time to allow my hair to go natural and stop colouring it. Go, Gray! Through the years my hair had thinned out quite a bit and the darkness of hair and shiny scalp was not a pretty sight and no longer acceptable to me. Most, I never wanted to appear as a “ridiculous old lady” with a fair amount of makeup that I love and intend to keep! On the next visit to my hairdresser, I shared my thoughts and voila, hair was quickly stripped of colour and here I was, grey. I was in shock and continued to be when looking in the mirror for quite a time to come, I did not keep track, but do remember the initial shock. It was different and involved a huge adjustment with many confusing thoughts. Before too long, I succeeded in creating a dramatic look and style for myself that included an up to date hairstyle, my magical makeup and enhancing the contrast of my olive skin with the grey hair. Shortly after, the curiosity began for me and others as a grey-haired woman surfaced! It was a revelation to hear the comments from family and friends. It was almost as if they thought that being grey would all of a sudden create a fragile looking old lady! My son, Mark certainly had this strong opinion and did not hesitate to express his disdain for it, that is until he saw me with the same energy and pride in looking my best. I had not changed, only my hair colour had!
The thought of being grey did bother me at the very beginning, but I soon realized it was my ego that was affected. I kept telling myself that the colour of my hair never defined me and it never has. That was a fact, but egos do die hard. I was determined to work on it and I did. Today 5 years later, I embrace it! It seems that the interpretation of colouring hair carries a message of vanity and caring for many. While going grey says, “She is old and giving up.” I have been an icon in my community and family for maintaining my well-groomed and youthful appearance. I still want to be that icon by embracing all of who I am and inspire all women to embrace their greys and years to come.
8. Life is not always easy. What has been the most challenging experience you have faced? How did you deal with it? What did you learn from it?
“Life is not easy.” Truer words were never spoken. I have had my ups and downs. Two very painful ones that stand out for me and perhaps affected me with the biggest challenges and changes in my life were the divorce at 40 and a melanoma cancer at 50 when I lost my great toe by amputation in order to contain the dreadful disease that was threatening my life. I have said and believe with my whole heart that my divorce was the most painful experience of my life. When faced with rejection from my husband, I saw no reason to continue living and I wanted to die. Thoughts of abandonment were so intense and real to me. I often thought of taking my life, but grateful I never had the courage to do so. The thought of raising my children alone was fearful. I had been a stay at home mom with no outside career. I was afraid I would never survive and doubts of even being homeless crossed my mind. Amazing what the mind is capable of telling us. I reached out to a dear friend, an older woman who became my mentor and confidante and who tenderly took me under her wing. She suggested I see a therapist. Feeling desperate, I agreed and thus began my unfolding. The journey was long and slow, but today I see it as part of my evolution. It was a journey I had to take in order to find my wings and fly. Of course, none of this was clear to me at the time. Step by step and very slow I began to understand why me. I strongly believe that our painful experiences come to us for one purpose and that is to grow. Otherwise, in comfort, we never think of making a change.
It took me several years to arrive at acceptance and forgiveness. Slowly I began to realize that the depth of the abyss that I once felt was consuming me had now become more shallow by my deeper understanding of myself. I am reminded of “The Prophet” where Kahlil Gibran says that our “pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.” I agree I experienced it! My life was definitely enhanced with that understanding of myself and others. In 1984, when I was diagnosed with cancer, and faced with my mortality, I became aware that I, no longer felt the depth of that once felt abyss, nor experience the pangs of despair that I once had. That journey was fretful, true. I was in the middle of menopause, plus dealing with a dead-end relationship. These were three big hurdles. My wise and caring gynaecologist suggested another trip to the therapist. I reacted with anger but soon gave in. I did recognize the pain, and soon realized it was another opportunity for growth. This experience became a huge gift, too. A poor relationship of the past with my deceased mother became crystal clear and it had to do with old buried resentments. For the first time, I was able to open my heart and truly feel compassion and forgiveness for the woman who gave birth to me, and who meant well in raising me! I saw a woman who had been in pain all her life and who had had needs that we, as women, often have. As a daughter, I was totally oblivious, for I had been stuck looking for “the perfect mom.” The gift of cancer brought me to a greater understanding of our past relationship. Yes, she was now gone, but I was at peace.
9. My life advice?
Make a conscious decision to live with joy. NOW is all we have. Have no regrets, yesterday is gone, tomorrow, has not yet come. The only thing we have is this present moment. Be grateful for every breathing moment and live it with gusto and all the passion that you can muster. If you are still here, I must tell you, brace yourself, your job on earth is not over, the time has come to discover your purpose. When pain comes to a knocking, see and accept it as a gift. Do not try to push it under a rug even though it hurts like hell itself, it never works. Look for a message. Settle your past if it is bothering you and find out the WHYS. You soon will find that golden nugget meant just for you. Keep in mind that our “pain is the cracking of the shell that encloses your understanding.” We are meant for big things but must go through fire to find our refinement, our true essence. Crack the shell and dare to Live Boldly!
